Thursday • May 17 • 2012

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Home » For Parents » Helping Your Kids Own Their Faith

Helping Your Kids Own Their Faith

Encouraging them to Authentically Connect Faith and Life

Copyright © 2011 The Center for Youth Ministry Training

Many of today's churched youth grew up going to church. From their tender years as toddlers, they have been indoctrinated with the beliefs of their community of faith. This is a good thing—and is called being "brought up in the instruction of the Lord," (Ephesians 6:4). Many of these kids, (I know, as I was one of them) enter into their adolescent years being able to spout memory verses without end, give correct explanations of Christian doctrine, know how to refute errant views, and generally make their parents proud as punch. Nice Johnny. Good Johnny. Christian Johnny. But, take Johnny away from the church walls, away from home, put him into his school situation, or with friends, and a different side of Johnny may appear: a Johnny who is little different behaviorally than his non-Christian peers. Consequently, the important question becomes, why is it all too common for "church kids" to grow up knowing a lot about Christianity, and yet seem so dull spiritually? Where is the "real faith" that will see kids through their adult lives? I believe that the answer in many of these cases is that teenagers never make a successful transition from having an "unowned" faith to having an "owned" faith.

Here is where the focus enters the arena of adolescent development—and particularly that of faith development. For example, when Johnny makes a faith commitment to Jesus Christ as a child, it is a genuine commitment. Yet, it is a simple commitment. It is what would be called a commitment to an "unowned" faith. It is a commitment to the faith of Johnny's parents, and/or family, and/or the church he attends. When Johnny hits adolescence, he comes to a point in his life when he develops the ability to think abstractly. Issues that were black or white, now often seem to appear gray to Johnny. The result of this normal intellectual development is that Johnny now has the ability to question and even doubt the beliefs that he soundly believed as a child. (For example, Johnny may begin to question why the Bible is a reliable source of truth.) Johnny has entered the adult world, signified by his newly aquired capacity to think critically. And, it is at this point in Johnny's faith development where he either begins a process that moves him from "unowned" faith to "owned" faith (a faith that is personal and "real"), or he experiences the stagnation of faith development, never really making the Christian faith his own. The result of this stagnation is usually that of a frustrated, disinterested church kid, or one who even leaves the church altogether.

The key to developing an "owned" faith is found in the freedom to think critically. This is where many parents and youth leaders have actually hurt the very process that they wish to see take place in the lives of their teenagers. Too often, students have been restrained from thinking critically about their faith. Some well-meaning parents and youth leaders have insisted that doubting and questioning areas of faith are indicators of a lack of faith or even sin. Yet, the practice of repressing questions is deceptive in nature and does a great disservice to adolescents by implying that there are no complex issues within the Christian faith. When doubts and questions are inhibited in this way, teenagers are left holding a bag full of frustration and guilt. They are frustrated because they don't get help in working through their doubts and questions. They feel guilty by the reason of simply having these recurring doubts and questions in the first place. Unknowingly, some teenagers have been led down the path towards an "unowned" faith, by the good intentions of their parents and youth leaders.

What is vitally needed in homes and churches today is to create the atmosphere where critical thinking by adolescents is fostered. For it is through critical thinking that teenagers are able to work through the tough questions, nagging doubts, and complex issues about their faith, and will ultimately lead them to an "owned" faith. The atmosphere to be created is one where parents and youth leaders offer adolescents acceptance and guidance. Acceptance should be expressed in such a way that sends the message to an adolescent that genuine doubting and questioning is okay—and even a normal, positive aspect of the spiritual growth process. Parents and youth leaders should provide teenagers who have qeustions about faith issues with affirmation, love and encouragement rather than negative comments or put-downs. They should guide adolescents by coming alongside them, to walk with them as they work through this process of faith development. For the caring adult, the process involves asking students questions about their faith that they may not have yet thought about. It actually involves playing the role of "devil's advocate." Simply stated, it is playing an active role in making adolescents think and wrestle with faith issues. Another key element of guiding teenagers is through sharing one's own faith journey with these teenagers. Students who are struggling with their faith need to hear the views of their parents and youth leaders on specific issues of the faith. Adults must, however, go further than expressing what is believed—to why it is believed and how it came about to be believed in the first place.

Encouraging and facilitating adolescents to think critically involves some fear and a measure of risk on the part of parents and youth leaders. In creating the atmosphere for the critical thinking process to take place, adults who interact with adolescents must loosen their reigns of control and protection. That fact frightens some adults. Allowing for critical thinking to take place also means taking the risk that the faith of these adolescents may not turn out to be carbon copies of their own. In fact, it is likely that young adults may end up holding different beliefs on certain issues of the faith than their parents and youth leaders. They may even move away from their familiar community of faith for a time because they have been allowed to doubt and question. But, consider the alternative: A disinterested church kid, whose "unowned" faith may intellectually know many facts about the Christian faith, but end up unable to authentically connect faith and life. These young adults often walk away from church as soon as they are able. Parents and youth leaders must become convinced that an intellectual knowledge of the facts of Christianity alone will not make for personal, vital and real faith that equips kids to live in the real world. Rather, encouraging young people to think critically and wrestle with the complex issues of Christianity—and then providing them with the support, encouragement and safety to do so—will help them develop a real and enduring faith—that will serve them well throughout their adult years.

 

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Copyright © 2011 The Center for Youth Ministry Training.